I've taken a lot of workshops. Spent years seeing a therapist. Read hundreds of books. Watched many webinars and videos. And if you want to transform yourself and your life, here's the key: it's ALL an inside job.
What do I mean by that? I mean that the key to living your life and having the things you want is all in how you think about things. It is basically mental gymnastics. If you want to have six-pack abs you do your core exercises. If you want to have a positive, abundant, healthy life, you have to do your mental exercises. I can't put it any more simple than that.
After you read the books, take the workshops, watch the webinars, etc. you will realize that all of the gurus, coaches, spiritual thinkers, etc. say the exact same thing: it all boils down to your inside voice, your inner thoughts, and what it is you tell yourself.
Unfortunately telling yourself the right things, the positive thoughts, the inspirational messages will probably never come naturally, because according to Tony Robbins, our brains are wired for stress, negativity, and problems, and I tend to think he is correct. No matter how much you embrace these concepts, you still have to work at it every day -- much like the fact that those six-pack abs aren't going to remain if you eat cupcakes and french fries and stop working out. It's something you need to do, practice, and remind yourself of every moment of every day.
I spent years wanting to have a really positive relationship and get married. At first I didn't put myself out there and date that much, and once I started doing it, I still wasn't having that much success. I was dating dud after dud who would treat me like crap and break up with me or be so outrageous in his behavior that I would break up with him.
My therapist taught me that I had myself wired all wrong. I hated relationships because they were always disastrous for me. My belief system was that men would always leave, and relationships were hard work. It wasn't until I truly believed that I deserved a great guy who would accept me as I was (a few extra pounds and clearly not perfect) and treat me as I deserved to be treated, that the man who became my husband showed up. As much as I whined and cried that there aren't any good men out there, the reality was that the issue was in my belief system. It was a mental game. I didn't think I deserved a great guy and so the losers showed up. Good thing
I finally won that conversation.
But the same is true for everything else as well. When I think from an abundant mindset that I deserve good things in life and I don't have to work myself to the bone to get them, new clients show up for my marketing business that I did absolutely nothing to go after. So and so recommended someone to me and boom, I have a new client. Now if I go out and try to sell myself and act out of desperation that I need new business, that doesn't work as well for me. Go figure.
Here's an even more outrageous example of how thinking abundantly works. In addition to my marketing business, I was a blogger a few years back with a blog as the New York Luxury Travel Examiner for Examiner.com. One day I get an email from a PR person who wants to loan me a Bentley for a week. I looked at the email and laughed thinking it was a scam or a joke. About two weeks later the woman contacted
me again. They seriously wanted to loan me a Bentley motor car for a week in return for me writing about it in my blog. And once I got over the shock and said yes, a man came to my house a few days later and delivered the most expensive Bentley model they had -- close to $250,000 worth of car! A Bentley Mulsanne. There is no way on earth I would have ever been able to drive or afford a Bentley and yet there it was.
My husband just looks at me and shakes his head about my "abundance mentality." Whenever I think abundantly, good things happen. But it's definitely a mental exercise that takes work. I don't always automatically think abundantly. Sometimes I totally have a lack mentality that I'm not going to have enough clients, or make enough money, or blah, blah, blah. But when I just relax and think positively and abundantly, things freakish like my Bentley moment do happen. In fact, as I write this I sit in my home in California which has an amazing view of the Pacific Ocean. While our rent isn't cheap, it's much more affordable than the other houses available for rent in our area. Once again, we were thinking abundantly and positively and this great rental house showed up. After living here for a few years we needed to renew our lease. My husband and I were quite worried about how much our landlords were going to raise our rent because we were certain they had made a mistake the first time we signed our lease. So we asked for a lease extension and they gave it to us -- without raising our rent!
Yes, this inside job and thinking is totally the key to making your life work the way you want it to, but nobody is perfect. I still haven't mastered the proper thought process for losing weight and other issues I deal with. But I can tell you that when you change the way you think about things, and work hard at it each and every day, you do see your life transform.